Nationwide university shut down or battery replacement? [APRIL FOOLS EDITION]

Editor’s Note: This “article” is from our 2020 April Fool’s Day edition of Pacer Times. It is satirical and is not meant to be taken as real news.

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USC Aiken’s cameras, or lack thereof, is a topic that has students debating for semesters.

An announcement by the university that the installation of 42 new cameras around the school spurred controversy amongst students.

The common statement out of students’ mouths was: well, where are the cameras?

Administrators insist that they are hidden, and that very well may be true.

USC Aiken is a charming campus, filled with blooming flowers, the gentle babbling of the fountain and humored student voices (don’t listen to the study rooms in the library. Nobody is crying in there, I swear).

Another element that adds to the overall charm and soothing ambiance of the campus are the birds. Different colors of plump, feathered beings decorate the grounds and treetops of USCA.

But listen closely, are those the chirps of a satisfied bird, or the beep of a recording device?

You may have heard the phrase “the birds work for the bourgeoisie.” I raise you this: the birds work for the bourgeoise and the administration.

With the coronavirus shutting down a majority of businesses and organizations, it is a convenient time to change the batteries in the “birds.”

When Pacers return to campus, take a closer look into the eyes of a chirping bird and wonder what exactly you are looking into. Decide for yourself if campus birds are friends or foes.