Kink of the Week: Erotic asphyxiation, safe practices and signals to stop
Erotic asphyxiation, the official term for breath play, is an act during sex where one partner “intentionally cut(s) off the air supply (to the other partner) … with choking, suffocating, and other acts.” There are many ways to do this: hands around the throat, covering of the nose/mouth, or even using a pillow to cover someone’s face.
By decreasing the amount of oxygen to the brain, one may feel lightheaded. Sexologist Carol Queen explains, “The body's natural response to lack of breath—signaling danger to the body—is to release hormones such as adrenaline and endorphins.”
The release of the hormones can cause increased sexual stimulation. People who partake in breath play say this act makes for more intense orgasms and overall arousal.
Though this practice is common in the BDSM community, between 250 and 1,000 people die each year due to unsafe practices during breath play.
How do we practice this safely? There is no 100% safe way to do breath play. Each variation has its own risk and everyone has sex in their own way. The key here is knowing when there is too much for our partners, being very clear when to stop, and knowing what to do if things go too far.
Consent should always be discussed before having sex. Consent involves discussing acceptable pleasure methods during sex, your partners limits, and what to do during an emergency. However, consent during breath play can be tricky. How can your partner tell you to stop if they cannot breathe?
A few safe methods to stop sex are as follows:
The partner being choked could hold something loud in their hand like keys; when it is too much for them, they drop the keys indicating to stop.
A tapping system. The partner being choked would simply tap on any surface to let their partner know when to stop. For example, one tap could mean “I am reaching my stopping point” and two taps could mean “Stop now.”
Below are links to websites that show the “proper” way to choke someone and safe methods of breath play.
Breath Play Is a Popular Form of BDSM. Here's How to Do It Safely.
While there is no absolutely safe way to have this kind of sex, the best method is to know our partner’s limits and when enough is enough. Be safe and set limits before partaking in any sexual activity.
